BahBah Ga Gya

My dad's going away...again.  To make enough money to support his family (plus to make some extra, unfortunate payments), my daddy has to accept work from all over the country - and sometimes out of the country.  This trip is to Philly, and he won't be back for at least a month, which means I probably won't see him again until, I guess, May.  Sigh...  He tried doing the day shift thing at a company nearby, but that turned out to be a bust - he was working twice as hard for less than half pay.  Or less. 

I miss him.  He's missed out on so much of our lives.  He keeps saying that it's not gonna be for much longer, that he's got plans... But I don't see any of them coming true in the near future. 

Our foster babies returned home today, and as I expected, they were dirty, cranky, and they reeked of cigarette smoke.  In all honesty, I have serious doubts that these people are going to get any of their kids back.  They hardly take care of them and they hardly pay attention to them when they have them. 

And the worst part about it is that I have fallen completely in love with the twins.  We've had them since last April, and now they've become part of our family.  When we have them during the week I sometimes even forget that they're not biologically related to me.  Yee-yee is the sweetest, giggliest, most talkative sweetheart ever, and big brother Bean, though severely autistic, is darling. 

Foster parenting takes a strong kind of heart.  You're supposed to love the kids, but you're also expected to be able to cut yourself off and give the kids up.  It's absolutely horrible.  Heartbreak is bad enough without it happening over and over and over again.

...And through all of this, I still have no idea what I'm going to do with my life.  I want to kick myself every day I sit there and let the day pass.  I'd be perfectly happy never going to college and just living at home for the rest of my life, but God damn I can't let myself do that.  I'd never forgive myself. 

For right now, however, I think I should settle with little steps.  Baby crawling, actually.  Gotta get walking to the gas station down the road before I even think about driving. Whenever I see other people my age who have been driving for years now, I hate myself even more.  Sigh. 

Well, I guess that's enough moping about for one day. 

Milk out.

show me how defenseless you really are

Cheese for that whine?

Hey there...

I'm going through a weird patch right now where time is passing quickly and dragging its ass at the exact same time. 

...Let me explain.  I finished school last December through our new early completion program, and I was supposed to be attending our local college in Jan., but I mucked up and missed out on that.  So for the next eight months, until the new semester begins (and my damn school gives me my damn diploma), I'm stuck at home. 

It's great except for the fact that I don't have my license, I don't have a job, I don't go out with friends, and I am terrified of going outside.  Make that facts.  I am quite pathetic, really.  There's some part of me that wants to break free and do all the normal stuff that I'm supposed to be doing right now, but the bigger, stronger part is the agoraphobic with a severe inferiority complex and scores of other mental health problems.

And to top all of that off my stomach problems only seem to be worsening.  Maybe it's stress, maybe it's Crohn's, but whatever it is, be glad you can eat normal food.  Gluten can be found in everything and when you suddenly become allergic to it, you start to get a little hungry.

I'm stuck.  In a rut.  I'm stuck in a rut deep inside a hole surrounded by a plastic bubble encased in a concrete box. 

These, my friends... These are the Adventures of Strawberry Milk.

Milk, Out. 

what time is it?